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A clip of Diary of a CEO host Steven Bartlett went viral recently, wherein he told Chris Williamson that having a couple glasses of wine ruined three days of his life.

“It's one of those areas where you don't understand the hidden cost until you really give it up for a while,” Bartlett explained to the Modern Wisdom host.

“I stopped drinking at 30 years old. I'm now 33. When I was 31, I thought, I'll have a drink again because now I could really A/B test it. I had a year of not drinking, decided to have a drink again… It ruined three days of my life. I had a couple of glasses of wine, didn't get drunk. It ruined three days of my life because of the domino effect it caused. I got worse sleep that night, and then because I got worse sleep that night, I ate more poorly the next day because my dopamine system or whatever, the cortisol system was all messed up. I podcasted worse. I didn't go to the gym that day or the day after because I felt really bad. I then slept worse, and I could track all of this on my Whoop”

Luckily, most of the internet responded by calling him a pussy, but this perspective is not exactly marginal. Williamson told Barlett that, “If people look at it closely, they’ll realize they’re using alcohol as a bit of a crutch.” He offered an example:

“If you take alcohol out for about six months, what it forces you to do is think, do I really want to go to that party? I’m actually having to anesthetize myself of the people that I’m around. Like, if you can only bear to be around your friends when you’re drinking, that’s probably not a good indication. And if your friends only want you to be around them when you’re drinking, they’re not friends, they’re drinking partners.”

I don’t know, man. Would I want to go to any party if there was no alcohol? No. That’s why I’m not at your baby shower. Would I even ever go out past 8PM if there wasn’t wine? Obviously not. Do I want a life that ends at 8PM and doesn’t include parties? Obviously not. I’m not sure that’s “anesthetizing myself” so much as it is wanting to have a fun time instead of a boring time.

It’s also not my friends’ fault night activities are more fun if there is booze involved. I still like them, booze-free. But do I want to spend hours with them, sitting around and chatting, until 4AM over coffee? Not really. The reason night activities are more fun with booze is that booze makes night activities fun. You really gotta stop overthinking this one.

Trying to bully us into not drinking by convincing us we are flawed for wanting things to be fun instead of dull is weird. But the more common tactic operates via the “health” angle. Podcasters like Andrew Huberman have been harping on this for some time, telling us all drinking is horrible, even moderate drinking. “Zero is better than any,” he repeats. “It is poison.”

Honestly, there is no point in arguing with these kinds of people, because what they are saying isn’t provably untrue. I’m not going to defend boozing by claiming it’s good for my health. But frankly I don’t believe that these guys are vilifying alcohol because it’s “unhealthy,” I think they just… don’t like alcohol. They don’t enjoy its effects, either during or after consumption. They don’t like how it makes them feel. In some cases the anti-alcohol fanatics are ex-alcoholics, and so naturally they had a poor experience with boozing, leading them to believe all experiences with alcohol are like theirs: bad. They also need reasons to stay sober, and viewing booze as the scourge of the earth is good way to do that.

Here’s the thing. This is all a you problem—not a me problem. I don’t care if you don’t like drinking. If you don’t like it, don’t do it. But pretending as though it’s the worst thing you can do, health-wise, is bullshit. And wringing your hands over “alcohol dependency” in social situations is silly. Alcohol has been used for many thousands of years because people like to get loose, and because it facilitates celebration, dancing, singing, laughing, connection, and, yes, sex (gasp). There are far worse vices that offer no joy or fun or singing or sex at all. See: anti-depressants and TikTok.

I know what you’re going to say.

It’s poison, Meghan! Alcohol destroys lives! If you need alcohol to have fun, you’re an alcoholic.

First, I don’t care.

I don’t care about all your “science” that says alcohol is bad for me. I don’t feel bad, I feel good! And that is how I judge my “health.”

This is, in fact, how we should all judge our health. The amount of people who walk around this world feeling bad, but lacking any curiosity in terms of figuring out why they feel tired, depressed, nauseous, low energy, headachy, dizzy, or constipated is odd to me. They rely on their doctors to tell them whether they are healthy or not, but don’t question whether their doctor really has any idea, nor do they question whether or not prescriptions, which are generally all doctors are good for (or referrals to other doctors), are actually good for them either. Imagine taking a bunch of pills with a bunch of side-effects that make you feel bad, but trusting they are in fact “good” for your “health” because your doctor prescribed them. For your health.

The number one gauge of how healthy you are should be how you feel. If you feel bad, you should try to figure out why, and address that. It may well be as a result of the pills you are taking, as prescribed by your doctor. Or it could be because you aren’t getting enough sleep. Or it could be because you need to exercise. Or eat some pineapple. Maybe a steak. Have some water.

But if you feel good and happy, and your life includes drinking, I consider what your doctor or Andrew Huberman says about it irrelevant. It’s your body and mind, babes.

Second, yes, alcohol can 100% destroy lives. If using alcohol is leading you to destroy your or other lives, you should avoid it. If not, who the fuck cares.

In general, if you like a thing and it’s not extremely unethical and it’s not hurting other people or you in very serious ways… whatever? Nothing in life is perfect, including us, and we must weigh the pros and cons of our choices all the time. Do I like candy? Yes. Should I eat it daily? Probably not. Is it ok to eat it sometimes? I don’t know, sure? I’m not interested in a life of perfection, but rather a life I love that is relatively good and healthy but not at the expense of fun. I don’t take sleeping pills or SSRIs and I eat enough protein and fruit and I go to the gym and I try to get sun on my skin sometimes and I don’t have an unethical job and I’m not abusive to other human beings or animals and I drink raw milk and have lots of friends that I like and get enough sleep and so I think it’s ok for me to eat candy sometimes.

I guess if you find that every time you drink something bad happens you might consider not drinking alcohol. Or, if every time you drink you feel bad in general, you might not want to do that anymore. But what other people think about how you feel or should feel is their problem.

Third, alcohol is fun. That’s why people drink it. “Needing alcohol to have fun” is missing the point. Like, ok, some things are fun without alcohol. Just… not that much fun… Going out to the bar with your friends and being stupid and laughing and dancing and singing and talking shit is more fun with alcohol because alcohol accommodates those things. It loosens you up and makes you happy and silly. That’s… why people drink it. If it doesn’t make you happy then don’t drink it. If you have more fun sober, that’s great news. Be sober. Have fun. But accept that other people are not you. That is indeed what being a grown up is about. Accepting that some people are not like you and like different things than you and have different experiences than you.

The truth is, I don’t think this modern anti-alcohol trend is about “health” or what’s good for you. I think it’s about people not knowing how to have fun. And about having forgotten the importance of fun. And about some people trying to control their lives in extreme ways because they are afraid to leave anything to chance or to take risks.

We see this in Gen Z, as described by Freya India, who recently spoke to me about how girls and young women nowadays are afraid of things previous generations looked forward to: socializing, parties, learning to drive, love, sex, relationships…

On the weekend, an X user named Andrew Yeung announced, “Clubbing is dead and has been replaced by fitness & wellness.”

Literally kill me. I’m not a fan of “clubbing,” per se, but the fact that young people would choose a “running rave” over going out to party is the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard. Yeung explains:

“People used to party to socialize and date but now they do things like HYROX, bathhouses, and running raves. The death of clubbing is something to be studied: US has lost 12% of its nightclubs in the last 24 months—25% of US adults didn’t drink at all last year—Gen Z drinks 30% less than Millennials did at the same age On the flip side: According to Strava, the number of running clubs recorded on the platform increased 3.5x in 2025. 72% of Gen Z go to run clubs to meet new people. Sauna and spa market: $11.8B → $22.4B by 2034. The post-alcohol economy is gonna be a massive category.”

“Gen Z is swapping happy hour for a workout,” a post on Instagram explains.

“Alcohol use among young adults has dropped to record lows, according to studies from Gallup and Ipsos. At the same time, gym memberships and wellness routines are booming, with 73% of Gen Z using a studio or fitness space. More than half say they’d rather work out than drink—a major shift in how this generation views free time.”

Is the younger generation really this lame? How did we come to a place where doing things just because they’re fun, regardless of possible health benefits, isn’t worth it, in and of itself?

The claim is often made that Gen Z is skipping the bar in order to “prioritiz[e] health, mental clarity, discipline, and long-term growth.” Another post on Instagram announces: “This is the era of self-improvement, self-awareness, and self-respect… This generation is swapping hangovers for healing and numbing for growth… Young people aren’t ‘boring.’ They’re just tired of cycles that lead nowhere. They’d rather work on their mind and body than escape it for a few hours.”

Good god. Shut up. You are boring. This is mind-numbingly boring.

The irony of all of this is that the younger generation isn’t happier than we were in the 90s and aughts, drinking and smoking our way through life. Their mental health is worse, not better. Today, young people are reporting the highest levels of misery of any age group. Research shows those aged 12 to 28 “were found to be more prone to feelings of despair and anxiety than other generations at the same age.”

So, why are they doing all this? Why reject drinking and clubbing and socializing if it’s not making their lives more enjoyable? One could argue “health,” but a key aspect of “health” is… wait for it… happiness!

I think what has been forgotten by too many is that the key to happiness lies in friendships, relationships, community, and a social life—things that have long been found at the bar. Not only at the bar, of course, but it is undeniable that ye old pub has for ages been a gathering place for friends and neighbours. One’s “local” has always been central to the community. They facilitate face-to-face connection—the very thing so many are lacking nowadays.

You can point to science all you like, showing that wine is bad and run club is good, but just because a thing can’t be evaluated scientifically as beneficial, health-wise, doesn’t mean it isn’t good or worthwhile. And even if it can’t be argued that drinking is “good” or “worthwhile” it still doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.

You should do things you like. You should also do things you don’t like. Balance is the way. Work, exercise, relax, do some chores, see friends, have relationships, have sex, go outside, walk your dog, go to parties, go to the bar, read a book. Nice, right?

Obviously if all you do is just one of those things your life is probably going to suck in one way or another.

As a seasoned bar star, who has been partying for well over half her life, I can tell you that it will neither ruin your life nor kill you. I feel good most days, and am happy and healthy. Meanwhile, I know a ton of people from high school who never go out, look and act about 60, and seem deeply depressed. They complain of being tired constantly, of their bodies aching all the time, and behave as though their best years are behind them—fun and adventure being just a relic of days gone by. Would going to the bar help? I don’t know. Maybe? Some wine with friends at dinner? Probably.

I like life, I like meeting new people, I like to chat, I like seeing my friends, I like singing songs, I like flirting, I like making jokes, I like listening to music and dancing. I’m not ready or willing to shut it down because I feel a bit dehydrated after a night out.

Life is not black and white. You can be healthy and also drink wine. You can go to the gym and also go out on Friday. You can get enough sleep and also stay out late on the weekend. You can hydrate on Monday.

Live a little. You’ve only got one go at this.

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⁠Gord Magill⁠ comes from a long line of truckers, and has been in the industry for his whole life. He is the man behind Autonomous Truck(er)s on Substack and author of⁠ “End of the Road: Inside the War on Truckers.” ⁠I spoke with him about what’s happened to the industry and why it matters.

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This week on Where Are All the Women, I am joined by Kellie-Jay Keen to discuss Henry Nowak, Tommy Robinson, mass immigration, Islam, Cenk Uygur, abortion, and more!

This episode streamed live on YouTube and X on June 3, 2026. Where Are All the Women streams (almost) every Tuesday! Join us in the live chat on ⁠⁠YouTube!

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Join myself and live on Substack, YouTube, and X to discuss Henry Nowak, Tommy Robinson, mass immigration, the Islamist threat, and whether Israel had Cenk Uygur and Hasan Piker banned from the UK. Is the West falling, now that two leftists media figures have been prevented from boarding a plane to the UK? Is Israel a threat to Western democracy? Does the left really care about liberalism and free speech?

Tune in live Wednesday, June 3nd at 1PM PT/3PM ET.

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“I’m setting a boundary.”

We hear this a lot these days. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Boundaries, in general, are good things! You don’t have to have relationships with people who make you miserable, or who want the worst for you, or who abuse you. But at the same time, are all the words and ideas we learned from therapy culture inherently good? Is it good to cut someone out immediately, because they do or say something that “triggers” you? Are we taking the concept of “boundaries” too far? Are there better ways to deal with anxiety, anger, frustration, and stress in our relationships with friends?

One thing that seems to have become normalized of late is the practice of asking friends whether or not they are capable of “holding space” for our problems. The idea of “consent” in friendships and asking for “consent” to speak about things that are happening in our lives or relationship problems, for example, is discussed as though speaking openly with friends is an intrusion. An article published on Substack explains:

Tense conversations — whether they’re about politics, the media, or personal issues — should always come with mutual consent. Just because they are in the mood to rant doesn’t mean you have the bandwidth to absorb it. A healthy friendship doesn’t demand constant availability.

If you wouldn’t barge into someone’s house uninvited, why is it okay to barge into their mental space the same way?

And, I mean, fair enough. I don’t want to be trapped in an argument about politics either, but frankly that’s not really what I talk about, for the most part, with friends. We talk about things that are happening in our lives, good and bad—family issues, relationship problems, work stuff, gossip about mutual friends, our cycles, the fact our neighbour keeps parking in front of our garage, etc. I just don’t think you should have to think that hard about the conversations you are having with friends. It shouldn’t be stressful. It should flow naturally, for the most part.

Obviously one should be considerate and thoughtful—dumping on someone endlessly while failing to ask how they are doing is rude and will likely lead to people not wanting to hang out with you. But what are friends for, if not relaxed conversation?

Is it ok to tell your friend, “I don’t want to hear you talk about [person’s name or topic of conversation]” anymore? Technically yes, but asking someone to never mention their boyfriend’s name again in conversation, for example, is a strange and probably impossible task.

This strikes me as a product of a generation that believes they can control the world around them—they are risk-averse, behaving as though leaving the house or answering the phone or going to work is a burden they should not be expected to take on, if it doesn’t feel entirely comfortable. They’ve learned that life should feel like being swaddled in a blanket, and that if it doesn’t, the thing causing the discomfort should be rejected in favour of “self-protection.”

Psychology jargon has become yet another tool people use to sound and feel as though they are saying meaningful things, while saying nothing at all.

The term “gaslighting” is used against those who disagree, the word “boundaries” is used to control the kinds of conversations that happen in our vicinity, it has become normalized to cut off family and friends who don’t share our politics and beliefs, or who voted for someone we don’t like.

Moreover, we are expected to farm out conversations about our lives and thoughts to paid professionals—strangers! It’s insane, if you think about it in a historical and global context, but fitting for a culture that has lost any understanding real community, and the value of friends and family. A generation that is making friends with AI and views socializing as a burden would believe that therapy is the answer, rather than doing the hard work of going out in the world to make connections and form relationships, which come with the risk of rejection, disappointment, and hurt, and who demand your time and energy.

What is therapy for, really? Is it a net good? Or a net bad? Has the industry gone too far? Who needs therapy and when? And for how long? Is something like the practice of Stoicism a better answer to anxiety?

Join myself and my friend, a therapist (don’t worry, she won’t be insulted) tonight at 6PM PT/9PM ET to discuss!

I am making this stream a combination of this discussion and AMA, as I haven’t done an AMA in a long while, so welcome your questions about anything and everything—personal and professional—as well as your comments and thoughts about therapy and Stoicism. This is a paid-sub only stream! Join via the link below.

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I speak with Freya about how porn, apps like Snapchat, Facetune, dating apps, and therapy culture are making Gen Z girls neurotic, insecure, afraid of life, and disassociated.

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Everything they tell you about poly vegan men is true. They are living, breathing cliches and they walk among us. While I assumed I had left any possible connection to that world behind, back in Vancouver, circa 2007, I did not, apparently, as one emerged from his plant-based sanctimony to meet my judgement over here in Mexico.

I don’t know that I have had a close encounter with such a caricature before—at least not for many years. It quite amused me how quickly the playbook played out.

The story is as follows:

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Hey guys, I have some news: the internet is lying to you.

Despite what social media tells you, dating apps are not a good way to meet people, and in fact they don’t work. It turns out that the thing I have been saying since everyone decided to buy into the claim that these apps were the best and only way to date and find relationships in the modern age, which is that actually the best way to meet people is in person, is true.

Not only do dating apps provide you with zero information about whether or not you might be attracted to or compatible with another person in real life, because photos simply do not provide you with that kind of information, but even Gen Z, the generation most likely to be using them, is still meeting their partners in person.

A 2025 study by Hims found that 82% of men and women in the U.S., ages 18-65, who are in a relationship, say they met in person, not online. Even among the younger generations specifically, only 23% of 18-29-year-olds met online, meaning that 77% met their partner in real life.

If you listen to social media users and manosphere influencers, they will insist that the superficial is the only thing that matters, in terms of attraction. But anyone who has actually experienced in person attraction and human relationships knows this is not true… There is much more at play, much of it subconscious—everything from hormones, smell, personality, sense of humour, body language, confidence, style, “vibe”… Chemistry is key, and that can’t be discerned from a photo. Neither can compatibility. Just because you both like sunsets and tacos doesn’t mean you’ll actually vibe in person.

An article by Andrew King published in points to Geoffrey Miller’s book, The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature, which “argues that language, along with wit and storytelling, evolved under sexual selection, partly as a costly signal of cognitive fitness.” While yes, physical attractiveness matters, being a witty and good conversationalist does too. Dating apps “short-circuit” our evolutionary drive to assess other people’s mental abilities via in person engagement. “Fluent, real-time verbal performance advertises mental abilities that are hard to fake,” King writes.

“Approaching someone in a bar, workplace, or community event carries a potential cost: public rejection. That cost is the signal. The act of crossing the room to make an in-person approach therefore conveys important information about the approacher’s confidence and interest in a way that a swipe cannot. A rightward swipe communicates almost nothing about the sincerity of the person making it.”

Men swiping on dating apps means (or should mean) nothing to a woman. It is low stakes, low effort, and, as we should all know by now, men will “swipe” on almost any female. Why would I want to go on a date with a man who is signalling that he’d literally date anyone, and doesn’t even care enough about meeting me to walk across a room and speak to me?

I have voiced my dislike for and disinterest in dating apps loudly and frequently, for many reasons. Personally, I find them desperate and embarrassing. I have zero desire to advertise myself to strangers, hoping for a swipe. It’s pathetic. I’m also just plain not interested in or motivated to date random men on the internet. My motivation towards dating comes from having already met a man in real life, connecting with and being attracted to him, and already liking him. I cannot be bothered to spend my time and energy meeting up with someone I don’t know or like. I also… like meeting men in real life. I like talking to people, I like going out, I like socializing, I like flirting. I do not like staring at apps on my phone. It is not a fun time. I don’t particularly enjoy chatting with anyone online (obviously it serves a purpose, but it’s not something I really want to spend a lot of time doing), particularly not strange men. It’s not sexy.

There are plenty of other arguments against dating apps, not least of which being that they are not actually designed to help you find a relationship and get off the apps, but rather the opposite. Dating apps are intentionally programmed to function like slot machines—that is to say, to keep you on the apps, addicted to the swiping and the hope for that quick dopamine hit that comes with a match. The idea that you might find someone better, hotter, whatever, at the next swipe, keeps people on the apps, rather than motivating them to get off and meet someone in person—potentially to commit to and settle down with. They give the impression of endless possibilities. No one is special among a sea of one-dimensional faces.

There is danger, too, of course. For women, meeting up with a man you know nothing about, who knows no one you know, is dangerous. He could be a weirdo, a psycho, a creep, or a predator. And because he has no connection to your community (sadly, many no longer have that, even), to your friends, family, or co-workers, if he does do something offside or worse, he’s unlikely to face repercussions. Community has always been something that’s kept male behaviour in check—fear of social punishment or ostracization is real.

Dating apps actually disincentivize accountability. You can simply “unmatch,” and disappear without a second thought, never to be seen or heard from again. You can’t just “disappear” from work, school, family, a friend group, or a neighbourhood. Not easily, in any case.

You don’t even know if the photo you’re looking at in an app is real. It could be doctored, filtered, edited, old, or not even belonging to the person behind the profile.

Dating apps function like a game. And your brain will inevitably relate to them in that way. They aren’t real, they aren’t serious, and they shouldn’t be treated as though they are. By comparison, relationships are real, they are serious, they matter and have real-world implications. They are our everything. They bring meaning to our lives, as well as joy, pleasure, pain, grief, heartbreak, and sometimes worse.

People will tell me, as they always do, when I criticize dating apps and tell people to stop using them, that this is simply how people meet one another now—that there is no other way to do it. But there is. Of course there is. Leave your house, go outside, spend time with friends and family, do activities, go to events, take a class, join a gym, talk to people you meet out in the world—at the airport, at the gym, at the coffee shop, at the bar, church, wherever. Just… do stuff. Have a busy and full and fulfilling life offline. And I don’t mean you have to be actively hitting on people all the time. Just have… normal conversations. The more people you make friends with, meet, talk to, hang out with, the better chance you have of meeting someone you might like to date.

And yes, I know, for some of you that feels hard or scary. You risk rejection, awkwardness, meanness, or embarrassment, but you guys, that’s the point.

King writes, “when you sit across from someone and improvise conversation in real time, you are doing something that no dating profile can replicate: revealing yourself under conditions of social risk.”

“The discomfort is the point. The events that succeed are those that impose real costs on participants: financial investment, physical presence, the social risk of face-to-face interaction. These costs are features, not bugs. They filter for sincerity in a way that no algorithm can replicate.”

The big mistake so many people are making today is in trying to avoid risk, hurt, awkwardness, nervousness, sadness, anxiety, or humiliation. You can’t. That’s life. Those hard or bad feelings are actually necessary in order to have the good feelings.

In my recent conversation with Bhogal, he explains that avoiding suffering won’t make you happy. Indeed, suffering is what teaches you about life. Hardship brings wisdom. Stressful times teach you that you are resilient, and can make it through and come out the other end. “Happiness is ultimately about having a mindset that is immune to the vicissitudes of life,” Bhogal explains.

“Life is filled with unpredictable outcomes and outcomes that are not going to go your way. The universe doesn’t care about making you happy. The universe has no loyalty to human beings. It doesn’t care… It’s going to do what it’s going to do regardless of how you feel about it. So, if you tie your happiness to being comfortable and to never suffer[ing], you’re always going to be disappointed because suffering is inevitable. It’s impossible to not suffer. So the solution is not to avoid suffering, which is impossible, it’s to be able to find a way to cope with suffering—to deal with suffering. And there’s only one way to deal with suffering and that’s to experience suffering.”

There is also the fact that you appreciate the good in life because of the bad. Because you know that things can be hard, that we lose friends and family, that people get sick and die, that our hearts can be broken, that we can feel betrayed, that we can fail, make mistakes, feel embarrassed, or have hurt feelings. That’s why we appreciate the good times and why we appreciate our relationships. They are high stakes, because we are vulnerable in relationships. We’ve invested in these people, and we’ve put our trust in them, which means they are in a particular position to hurt us. Love is scary because of this reality. So, even, is having friends. They can bail too. They can turn on us. They can lie or say mean things. But that’s no reason to avoid them, just as the fact that leaving the house can put us at risk for getting hit by a car, or getting mugged, or getting bitten by a dog, or shit on by a bird is no reason to stay inside all your life.

The good news is that dating apps are going out of fashion. People are realizing how unproductive and, frankly, gross they are, and as it turns out, many still prefer to meet people the old fashioned way. King cites an Australian 2024 YouGov survey, which found that seven in ten adults said they never used a dating app and “the most cited reason for avoiding the apps was a preference for meeting people in person.”

Thank god we are still normal.

This all reinforces what I have said many times, which is that the vast, vast majority of narratives and claims said about men, women, sex, and relationships online are pure bs—invented and shared around by people who don’t operate in reality, but online, and believe what the algorithm, apps, and influencers tell them, without actually experiencing it for themselves in real life.

As a person who does operate in reality, and who is around real human people all the time, I can tell you that people are meeting one another, hooking up, having sex, dating, falling in love, and having relationships all the time. And man oh man does that cause a lot of hurt, embarrassment, anger, sadness, and heartbreak! It never ends.

But I promise you it’s worth it.

I promise you that despite all the heartbreak, pain, hurt, anger, grief, embarrassment, sadness, challenges, and stress I’ve experienced in my life—in fact, this past year was rife with many of those things, for me—I am very happy. Happier than ever, I’d say.

None of that heartbreak or stress or hurt or anger took me down. I went through it, I cried, I got angry, I felt stressed, I felt stupid, I struggled to know how best to move forward, but kept on keeping on, and I survived. Isn’t that nice?

So go out and take a risk. Do some hard things, feel uncomfortable, get hurt. It’ll be ok. You’ll be better for it, and probably happier.

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This episode streamed live on ⁠⁠YouTube⁠ ⁠and ⁠⁠X⁠⁠ on May 5, 2026. Where Are All the Women streams (almost) every Tuesday! Join us in the live chat on ⁠⁠YouTube!

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The Unspeakeasy with Meghan Daum

Home of The Unspeakeasy Podcast (formerly known as The Unspeakable), occasional livestreams, and new writing and updates from Meghan Daum.

People seem very worked up about the newfound popularity of older women. A conversation exploring the phenomenon on the New York Times’ The Opinions podcast elicited endless responses, which attempted to assign all sorts of (often insulting and mostly wrong) explanations to the trend.

Many insisted the phenomenon wasn’t real at all, but rather was something only being talked about online. Others (mostly men) claimed the younger men interested in older women were simply seeking one night stands, not to date or have relationships with them, saying “older women are an easy lay.” Others attempted to reframe the trend as being about older women predating on younger men. (That isn’t what’s happening either—it really is the other way around…) Some insisted the men were seeking sugar mamas—that is to say, an older, more established woman to pay their way. (That has not been my experience.) “Older women are more desperate and thankful of male attention,” was yet another common (embittered) claim.

Pretty much all of these explanations are wrong. This is the cope crowd trying to cope with a thing happening outside the narrative they’ve put a lot of energy into cultivating, aimed mostly at trying to ensure women don’t dare feel happy in their lives or good about themselves.

Sorry! Too late. I am here to burst your bubble. I am happy, I do feel good about myself, I like my life, and younger men are very into me and my friends.

So yes, to begin, this is a very real thing that is happening. To follow, many of you are overthinking this.

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