The sadosphere

The manosphere is a lie sold by sad men to sad boys who don't know any better

The world’s biggest douchebag surrounded by the women he pays to hang around looking uncomfortable

I couldn’t figure out why, suddenly, there were endless men in my mentions on X suggesting I was only a 7 instead of an 8 or 9 (11/10 personality tho), despite my having never offered myself a numeric evaluation. Why, when I suggested men quit using porn, did dozens of accounts appear, telling me “Only if women quit social media!” Why were so many men apparently obsessed with a book no normal woman had ever heard of—never mind read—called, Morning Glory Milking Farm. Why, every time I posted about men and women’s relations and dating, was the response something about “high body count”?

I have been very online for a very long time now, as an internet writer and podcaster from the early days, way back in 2010. I’ve been writing and talking about men, women, sex, and relationships (among other things) for many years now, and only recently was I being inundated with weird assessments of people’s attractiveness based on a scale of 1-10 and being told that women were all gold digging whores only interested in “Chads.” At what point had men’s porn consumption become comparable to niche romance novels and tweeting? Why were men suddenly pretending “body count” was a widely used term or concern? Stop trying to make fetch happen, Gretchen! It's not going to happen!

None of this seemed logical to me, nor was it something I’d encountered out in the real world. Where was this all coming from?

Well, it turns out there is something called the “manosphere,” and the streamer-leaders of this sphere are foisting their deluded worldview onto teenage boys, who are encouraged to spew their newly acquired language and delusions across the internet, into any and every conversation, regardless of relevance.

In real life, of course, no one talks about other people in terms of numeric value. No one asks the people they are dating or sleeping with what their “body count” is. Most women are not gold digging whores who only seek to date rich men who look like the college quarterback. All women on social media are not prostitutes and no one is reading a book called Morning Glory Milking Farm.

The boys and young men who follow streamers like those featured in Louis Theroux’s new documentary, Inside the Manosphere, though, wouldn’t know that. Because they don’t go out into the real world. They don’t know any real women. They don’t have partners. I don’t even know if they have any male friends in real life. They grew up online, mainlining porn and clips from men named “HStikkytokky” (how does one refer to themselves as such and also take themselves seriously?)

These streamers surround themselves with pornstars, convincing their followers that this is a sign of success, while simultaneously telling their young fans that these women deserve no respect on account of their “high body count” and whoredom. They insist money and a collection of very stupid women with very low self-esteem are the primary things that make men real men instead of soyboys. (That, and having big muscles and very tight pants.)

Justin Waller will teach you how to dress like a gay millionaire

The HStikkytokkys and Justin Wallers and Myron Gaines’ of the world, though, don’t actually seem very manly to me. They seem like gay little boys obsessed with their appearances. They have no useful skills to offer, like hunting or fishing or wood chopping or house building. They have nothing useful to offer at all, in fact. They apparently spend all their time online, live streaming for other little boys who also have nothing of value to offer the world.

To be clear, this is not a dig at men and boys on the whole. Nor is the documentary. This is purely a dig at the the soulless grifters who saw there was a group of vulnerable, unhappy, naive boys ripe for the picking—with no real world knowledge or wisdom to prevent them from believing any lie sent their way. These boys clearly are lacking in good male role models and real world relationships that could offer a healthy, normal vision of either women or men. They are also online all day and night—the perfect targets for this messaging.

It is sad, really, more than it is scary.

The fact these boys and young men believe it is impossible for anyone over 30 to be attractive or to find love and happiness was sad, as was their view of relationships as purely transactional. This was nothing near my experience, either as a twenty something or a forty something. Believe it or not, people continue to find one another attractive all the fucking time. Believe it or not, I get more attention at this age than I did at 25, from men of all ages and levels of hotness. Believe it or not, poor men who work in bars who are not six feet tall get laid all the time. Old people get married. Ugly people get boyfriends. Normies have sex with each other. People who aren’t millionaires are happy. Men still approach women in public. Sometimes they are rejected. Sometimes they are not. No one is as superficial as the men of internet land claim or believe. Men like personalities and vibes as well as boobs. Women like men with charisma and a sense of humour even if they don’t have a yacht.

The fact these boys and young men don’t understand that attraction exists well beyond the confines of the one-dimensional “hotness” they see on social media is sad. The fact they aren’t out in the real world meeting girls and having crushes and maybe even falling in love is depressing. And these “manosphere” streamers are keeping them there, glued to their phones, convincing them they are helping them succeed while doing everything in their power to ensure they fail.

Because what else defines success in life but happiness and fulfillment? Feeling like a productive member of society. Forming meaningful friendships, building community, finding love, maybe starting a family. Learning about the world. Developing useful or enjoyable skills. Creating something. Saying hello to your neighbour. Growing plants. Hugging your dog. Reading a book. Eating nice food. Having wine and chats with friends. Singing. Dancing. Kissing. Laughing. Parties. Instead, these guys were confined to their screens, learning to despise and resent the opposite sex, based on myths funneled to them by insecure men trying to look cool for a bunch of boys on the internet by posing next to rented Lamborghinis and paid-for women.

It’s a sad life sold to sad boys who don’t know any better.

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