An ex-john opens up about buying sex and why he became an advocate against the sex trade
An ex-john opens up about buying sex and why he became an advocate against the sex trade
On the podcast, I speak with Gene McConnell, an ex-porn user and sex buyer whose work today focuses on helping men build healthier relationships with themselves and with women.
Appears in this episode
Gene McConnell is an ex-john. At one time in his life, he had a porn addiction, was paying for sex regularly (while married), and even attempted to sexually assault a woman. Gene stopped himself, but the near-attempt and consequent arrest forced him down another path, towards dealing with his past trauma and related sex, anger, and emotional issues, as well as towards a life of talking to other men about his past, how he changed his life, and what was at the root of his exploitative behaviour and dehumanizing view of women. Today, he tours college campuses, speaking to young men about pornography and prostitution, is the founder of Authentic Relationships International, is a youth pastor, and is married with three children.
I found Gene through a documentary film produced by Exodus Cry called Buying Her. He is featured in the film among a number of ex-johns who speak candidly about what they did to women in the sex trade, why, and how it impacted their life and the lives of others.
In this episode, we talk about why he began paying for sex, why he stopped, and what he learned.
An ex-john opens up about buying sex and why he became an advocate against the sex trade
I was riveted listening to this interview. I think being brave enough to come on a show, admit what you were and how much work it took to get to where you are, is a whole thing. Not many people would do it. I was also so interested in his progression into the objectification of women. So interesting
At 27:30 minutes, Gene rejects the idea of the 'need' for sex within the marriage (or within a Relationship) and calls it ‘the biggest fallacy of all'. Really? Gene and Meghan are good at saying that men are not entitled to sex, which is, of course, true. But is that it?
Neither Gene nor Meghan propose any solution except the one that the man (it usually is the man) just goes without sex. Many marriages break down because of the sex: too much, not enough, or the wrong sort – as my Family Law Tutor taught me 40 years ago! It’s still true.
In my experience, just telling the man (it usually is the man) to put up with a sexless marriage of indefinite duration does not amount to a satisfactory solution. I do not know what to suggest apart from divorce. What do you think?