The end of online dating?
Are we finally getting over dating apps?
This week in people-are-finally-catching-on-to-the-thing-I’ve-been-railing-on-about-for-years: are we finally getting over dating apps?
You would think being right before the rest of the world catches on would feel good, but it does not. It feels annoying. The thing that would feel good would be if people thought and considered and perhaps listened before doing the bad and stupid thing. Instead, the trend seems to be following the lemmings off the cliff, then coming out years later with this, Hey guys listen up I have this really important and brave thing to say about how men aren’t women. Just for example, you know.
In this case, though, the bad thing I have been railing on about from the getgo, into the void, apparently, is dating apps.
Last week, it was reported that Bumble, perhaps the most embarrassing of all the dating apps, on account of the fact it’s set up so that women have to make the first move (literally kill me), has lost 90% of its value since going public in 2021, and is laying off 30% of its workforce. According to media reports, this is due to the fact that the youngs are over online dating.
Thank the lord! Does this mean there is hope for the younger generation after all?
The cynic in me says no, as this generation is still growing up on porn, glued to smartphones, and plugged into the internet 24/7, but the tiny glint of hope within me says maybe social media/tech overload has led to a backlash of sorts, and if things go my way we could have a luddite revolution in the works.
In an open letter on LinkedIn, Spencer Rascoff , CEO of Match Group, company that owns Tinder, Hinge, and OKCupid, wrote that the company's apps “have felt like a numbers game” to some, and didn’t feel like places "to build real connections."
Ha. I mean dating apps are quite literally designed to function as slot machines—the aim being to keep the user swiping and therefore on the app, hoping to hit the jackpot. People get the same dopamine hit people get from slot machines too—that high of a match gets users addicted in the same way.
This was all done intentionally. The aim was never to get people into relationships or feeling happy and connected, but simply to keep them using the apps. To hear someone like Rascoff feigning disappointment that reality hit users hard would be funny if I weren’t convinced all the same people will fall for another equally as bad sham again and again.
Over at
, Suzy Weiss says, “I hope we look back on dating apps and think, ‘What were we doing?’” She thinks that, “For a lot of people, [using dating apps] made them feel degraded.”I wish!
Dating apps are truly the most embarrassing modern tech invention, yet one that almost every single person signed onto, unthinkingly and often enthusiastically.
Except me, of course, your friendly neighbourhood hater, who refuses to jump aboard any trend unthinkingly and enthusiastically, instead opting for, as I mentioned earlier, yelling into the void a la Homer Simpson’s dad.
I cannot count the number of (old) female friends who told me I must just give it a try if not to meet someone, at least for the ego boost.
The thing is that, for me, 1) I don’t need an ego boost, and 2) Posting my photo on the internet in the hope that some random stranger I don’t like or care about will “like” it, is not fun for me. It’s desperate and humiliating. And again, unnecessary. I meet people out in the real world all the time and actually quite enjoy that. I have been trying to spread the good word about in-real-life human interaction as best I can, to little avail. Apparently many of you prefer the swipe-high alternated with depression, from the safety of your couch.
The most depressing aspect of all of this is that our retrospective what were we thinking never seems to transfer into future cautiousness or skepticism. The moment we were told AI is the new, now thing, it was embraced across the board (again, except by me and of course my luddite mentor
), and those of us who declined the offer to turn our brains over to the machine were told we were going to be left behind in the dust if we didn’t do as our tech overlords instructed. The same thing happened with TikTok, which I also declined participation in, observing helplessly as thousands of adult women turned themselves into dancing monkeys, seemingly ignorant to the concept of humility and shame.Predictably, the news is not as good as Weiss—who sees this as the beginning of the end of dating apps—hopes, with CNN reporting that the loss of younger users is “forcing companies like Bumble to search for new ways to innovate, including putting a stronger emphasis on using artificial intelligence to find matches.”
Out with the old, in with the robot love!
Well, except for the gays, whose original Grindr is still thriving. While Hinge and Tinder, similar to Bumble, are reducing their workforce, Grindr’s shares have grown more than 115% over the past year.
This isn’t all that surprising. Let’s be honest: dating apps were always really only things that could work for men desiring casual sex with whoever happens to be down the block. Women joined dating apps with the intent of having actual dates, potentially becoming relationships, and men joined, imagining a kind of live action porn app, disappointed that few real, live women responded to their 100% swipe right rate in kind.
Hilariously and suitably, apps like Tinder became overwhelmed by bots and “women promoting their Instagrams or Snaps” (surely with the intent of converting those followers into OnlyFans subscribers). I mean, why wouldn’t prostitutes and porn stars use an app that men are clearly using with the hope that the women on the apps will behave like… prostitutes and porn stars… to sell their wares?
My hope is that Bumble’s failure is meeting-and-socializing-and-flirting-in-real-life’s success, but my worry is that tech has something equally as bad (or worse) up its sleeve, and that you all are going to dive in headfirst, just like you did with the dating version of slot machines.
For once, can we avoid looking back and asking, “What were we thinking?”
i actually met my current husband on Match—but, Match was nothing like dating apps now. Match kinda favored writers b/c you had to write about yourself and be able to “read” others (not just swipe on photos). it worked for us b/c neither of us GAF about dating and we’re both full of things to say.
i would’ve never done it but a friend of mine was internet dating and miserable with the guys she met. she said they ALL had 3 things in common: prominently displayed taxidermy, conceal carry permits, and herniated discs.
i asked to see her bio and found the problem: she said she loved fishing and the outdoors—bingo! i helped her edit the bio and picked guys out for her. i saw a guy who i thought was perfect for her, but she was NOT interested. his photo was and action shot of him belly-surfing on an exercise ball. i thought, “there’s a guy with the right attitude.”
she said, “he’s a dork, but since you’re so good at this, i’ll pay your membership fee and YOU give it a whirl.” challenged accepted…somehow i forgot that i’d just left my marriage of nearly 20 years; the divorce wasn’t final, AND i’ve never “dated.” i just met guys the way normal ppl do…in bars.
i did it to be a good friend. she was letting me crash at her house while i pulled myself back together.
the first “date” was an unattractive, unfunny, HS dropout version of Simon Pegg who installed residential security systems. at some point i used the word “hoary” b/c i couldn’t find the word “venerable” and he took great offense saying “are you trying to make me look stupid?” no dude, you’re doing a fine job on your own.
talked a nurse for a bit. found out he was a practicing Catholic. i’m a lapsed catholic. big nope.
then the guy i thought was perfect for my friend reached out to ME, and we texted back and forth for what became months. he lived an hour away, or 45 mins the way i drive. by now i had an apartment. he’d come over and chat and i made food. we’d text some more. i was deep into my own shit—reading and writing. i went over to his place and we sat on his porch looking at the trees drinking beer and smoking weed. just…basic. no porn addiction (unlike the ex). no addictions to anything. we had similar sense of humor and political takes.
and we just never stopped…talking.
AI boyfriend/girlfriend is definitely what's next on our roster before IRL dating. People are too unused to interacting IRL to do it if there's still a promise of a new tech solution to their loneliness looming.